Bi-Lines:
Genuine Bi or Labels Matter…Sometimes
As a fairly new columnist for OIA, and the “token bisexual” on staff, I have to come clean about something: I do not actually like identifying myself as bisexual, and I do it only because bisexual politics and visibility are so important at the moment.
It’s not that I’m “really gay,” or “really straight.” It’s just that the term “bisexual” is itself problematic. I can overlook the cold, clinical nature of the word… barely. But “bi,” in case anyone needs a quick English lesson, is a prefix meaning “two.” I have countless times seen bisexuality defined as an attraction to “both” sexes. So let’s throw in a biology review as well: Biological sex does not fit neatly in two distinct categories. Even if it did, I would argue that factoring in the multitude of possible gender identities makes bisexuality sound limiting, especially for those of us primarily attracted to genderqueer people.
For those who choose this label anyway, we learn quickly that it carries with it a great deal of baggage. Now, I do not want Bi-Lines to turn into a “why it’s hard to be bisexual” or “why bisexuals are misunderstood” column, but please bear with me for a moment.
Interestingly, I have always had the opposite problem of many bisexual-identified women: Most people, including some of my closest friends, think I am “really a lesbian” occasionally experimenting with men, just because they primarily see me dating women. But most of us are assumed to be straight girls who might have had a lesbian fling in college but should not be taken seriously as dating material. Every single time I have been interested in a woman I have been terrified of her finding out how I identify, because I know that I will then have to “prove” my queerness.
In fact, I find myself having to “prove” the genuineness of bisexuality to people often, whereas I believe that if I were telling people I was straight or gay, they would feel no need to question it. Bisexuality is trivialized as a phase, a period of confusion, or even a flat-out lie (I have actually heard the term “lie-sexual” before). And if homo- and hetero-sexuality imply a fixed point at one end or the other of some imaginary scale, bisexuality implies a fixed point in the dead center.
This is why many non-monosexuals prefer terms such as “pansexual,” “omnisexual,” “fluid,” etc. I’ve often wished I could find that perfect word to sum myself up, but if everyone were to attempt to be completely true to their sexuality we would end up with as many labels as we have people. I am not advocating for the erasure of labels altogether (I did plenty of that in my younger, more militant days), because this is not practical. Though it is true that on an individual level labels do not matter, they are important on a much grander scale. Humans like to organize, differentiate, seek sameness and build communities. There is no reason to fight this urge; we just need to maintain perspective and realize this is what we are doing.
This is why identifying as bisexual is important to me, despite inherent problems with the word and all the baggage that comes along with it. Homosexuality has now been on the radar of mainstream “straight” society for long enough that it is accepted as a reality, whether it is seen in a negative or positive light. Maybe a day will come when pansexualities, omnisexualities and the like will be as widely understood as monosexualities, but for now, it makes sense that even the most simplistic and possibly misrepresentative version of bisexuality be gradually introduced into mainstream thought first. I see bisexual politics and visibility as baby steps towards a more complex understanding of human sexualities by everybody.
I explain my identification as bisexual while feeling like something much more queer the same way I explain voting democrat while feeling more like a socialist. Just like I have at times defended assimilationist tactics while feeling more like a liberationist. You have to work within the system to weaken the system, while at the very same time attempting to tear it down from the outside. This is true whether you’re talking about governmental structures or theoretical sexual binaries.
So until it is no longer commonplace to question the very existence of any form of queerness other than strict homosexuality, I will keep waving my tri-colored flag and pushing for the inclusion of a “B” in every queer acronym to the point of annoyance. All while not feeling very “bisexual” whatsoever.
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